RIP Farrah

Rest in peace Farrah.

Man I loved Charlie’s Angels. I’m a little surprised I was allowed to watch a show that inspired the phrase “jiggle television”, but I was, and I did . I’m sure there are others who remember much more about the show then I do. I mostly remember the teaser of never seeing Charlie’s face, Bosley’s deep laugh and the great outfits. (And of course the episode where they broke out of prison... but really, who doesn’t remember that one?)

Many a summer afternoon you could find Erin, Cathy and I playing ‘Charlie’s Angels” (as, I am sure, were thousands of other girls across the country) First there was the ritual argument of who got to be which angel. Everyone wanted to be Jill, (and subsequently her sister Chris). I rarely got to be Jill, I usually ended up being Sabrina. I honestly can’t remember if I was Sabrina by default or if I just opted to be her to get onto the playing of the game. After divvying up the roles there would be major discussion on what outfits we were wearing (we’d use our bubble gum Charlie’s Angels trading cards as guidelines). Sometimes Cathy would show up with written instructions from Charlie that she would have painstakingly created the night before. Other times we’d just wing it. We’d hop on our bikes and go off into the neighborhood to solve our case. The capers never lasted long however, eventually Erin and I would get sick of Cathy always insisting, since she wrote the instructions, she got to be Jill. Because even as we were young enough to still be playing make-believe, we were beginning to understand the power of sexuality and beauty. And man, did Farrah have both.

I don’t know where I first saw “THE” poster. My guess it was in one of two taboo stores of my childhood Spencer’s (they had that all mysterious and giggle inducing ‘adults’ only section in the back) or Co-Op Records (the local head shop). I do remember thinking, “Wow, she’s beautiful” and feeling some sort of longing within. I certainly had no idea what the longing was and couldn’t tell you why she produced the same longings that Donny Osmund and Scott Baio did. I just knew she had a power that was too big to be ignored. I understood that her power resided in that red suit and those long flowing locks. And for years afterwards I longed for both the figure and the hair.

While I know Farrah went on to do some much more serious and powerful acting (I loved her in the Apostle) it is the gift of ‘awakening’ that I will remember her for most of all. And though it was a gift, like Pandora’s box, that was full of unknowns and frights, it would eventually prove to be a gift worth keeping, no matter how many years it took me to begin to understand it.

RIP Farrah.

2 year anniversary

Lucy has now passed the two year anniversary of her open-heart surgery. And while she has yet to have her yearly check up I have no doubt she will pass with flying colors. If for no other reason then she will simply announce, "I'm okay" as she does after each tumble. And any child who believes she can will the rain to stop simply by looking out the windown and saying "NO RAIN" must indeed have a special kind of healthy heart.

I have never really written about the time surrounding Lucy's surgery and the months leading up to it. I thought perhaps I would try and do so this year, but the truth is the feelings and emotions are still too raw. Or, to be more accurate, because they are still to raw I have buried them deep inside and have not yet released them.

I spent much of the time in a self imposed self protecting fog. It's a place I know well. It's the place I went during all my own surgeries I had as a kid. I was the happy kid in the hospital. I have seen chart notations that talk about 'the patient is in good spirits, singing Christmas Carols to other children on the ward' (Christmas Carols in June!) but clearly all was not so good in the subconscious of my mind because other notations say, 'patient calls out for mother in sleep, but when comforted insists she is fine. Patient also asks someone to make sure her mother has eaten something'

I don't remember much of those years. I see photos of a smiling upbeat blonde girl in various body casts and I know she is me, but I am just as amazed at everyone else at her resilence and bravery. But, I do not recognize her as me...

Lucy will not have any memories from her surgery either, but that is because she was 4 1/2 months old. But we will tell her the story of her scar, show her the photos of her and her feeding tubes. She will know that the scar is a part of her and therefore something that adds to her story. It is a beautiful scar because it means 'life'.