Saturday, January 26, 2008

An Open letter to the Archbishop of Portland:



I wanted to write and tell you why I have broken my ties with the Church. It was not a decision I entered into lightly. And I did much soul searching before I decided it was time for me to go.

Let me tell you a little about myself. I was raised Catholic in the Midwest. I was raised in a fairly liberal diocese. Liberal in the sense that we had women participating in services long before the Vatican ok'ed it. Liberal in the sense that the bishop was often getting 'warning' letters from Rome about some policy he was ignoring. There was a lot of "don't ask don't tell" going on there. And as a kid, I guess I was okay with that way of thinking. We were the diocese known for the radicals who with-held the portion of their federal taxes the figured was going to the ever growing, ever bloated military budget. And the Bishop who got detained, along with a certain 16 year old girl, at a protest and SAC airbase. We had it all. While I knew there were Catholics who didn't always agree with our bishop and his "modern" way of thinking. It always felt like we all just agreed to disagree.

I was very active in the Church in my teens and even into college. I have always believed that the Church (or more likely the people in it) saved me from a difficult home life and probably even saved my life. I moved to Portland in the late 80s. I attended church from time to time,but like many young people bent on finding themselves I found myself drifting away. I found myself constantly questioning the Church's stance on such issues as birth control, a woman's right to choose, women as clergy, homosexuality and other 'human" issues as I came to call them. I kept wandering in and out of the Church's door. I believed, for a long time, that there would come a day in my life time when an American Catholic Church would be born. I kept hoping that sooner or later Rome would come into the modern age and be willing to embrace a new era.

Then came the pedophilia scandals. My very foundation was ripped from underneath me. Parish priests of my youth were accused of unspeakable acts. Even locally a young priest, a priest who's sermons made me feel welcome even as I disagreed with the Church, was shipped back to California to answer for a 'mistake in judgment'. I watched in horror as the Catholic Church continued to deny any wrongdoing, to act like a child and not stand up and accept responsibility; allowing everyone to heal and move on. It broke my heart. I know now this was the beginning of the end for me.

Still I held on a little longer- wandering in and out again- reveling in the beauty of mass and a great love for the Virgin Mary. Hoping against hope things could be healed.But then came the election of 2004 and things became absurd - John Kerry was to be denied Eucharist- as was I because we believed woman had a Choice, we believed that marriage was for everyone, straight or not. And let us not forget my own marriage to a Buddhist was technically not a marriage in the eyes of the Church. I grew tired of waiting for the great change I prayed for. I grew tired of being a cafeteria Catholic picking and choosing what I wanted while ignoring the rest. I was tired of feeling like a hypocrite. Sadly, I broke away. It feels like a broken marriage. I loved the Church, but I cannot live with her anymore, too many arguments and hurts.

I have found a new place to worship. A place that welcomes me in warts and all. A place where they don't care where I came from or where I am on my spiritual journey. I feel as if I have found a home. I still carry the Catholic Church in my heart, like a first love the good memories cannot be erased. I am grateful to those who put me on my first spiritual path, but now I move on.

I wish you only peace.