Monday, Monday.

This is what greeted me this fine Monday morning. I knew I should never have rolled over for "five more minutes" of sleep. Oh, but the wind was howling and the rain was pelting the windows. I just had a feeling it was going to be a long day and I was going to need all my strength. Besides, N wasn't even up yet and Patrick told me that L was happily mezmerized by Curious George on PBS. So, really what could go wrong?

20 minutes later I hear N at my bedside, "mooommmy, I'm hungry" "Okay, buddy I'm getting up" I roll out of bed, grab my bathrobe, stumble down the hall and... "Holy Shi....." (bite my tongue) What a sight! I really don't know what to do first, pee, laugh, cry or clean her up. So, being who I am, I naturally get the camera first, take a picture, pee and then begin to clean her up.

Grease paint, clown make up, this-shit's-never-gonna-come-off-is -it stuff! Out came the baby wipes, they did a little damage control. I must have spent five minutes trying to get the baby oil opened, because now my hands are covered in grease paint and some genius has decided that baby oil needs a child proof cap on it! Breathe... Put the child in the bathtub. Oh, now it's all fun and games. "I need a toy mommy" Reach for the soap, blink for just a second, and voila now she's washing her hair w/her grease paint covered hands. Shampoo, lather, rinse, repeat as necessary.

20 minutes later and things are somewhat restored to normal. There's still a slight rim of white around her eyes, but I'll deal with that later. Breakfast is now 40 minutes late and we have a play date arriving in 20 minutes. Okay, I'm gonna take a quick two minute show. Everyone cool with that? I mean I do it every day without incident. Today will be just fine.

6 minutes later. "Mommy, L's dumped the whole box of Multi-Grain Cheerios (tm) all over the kitchen floor"

"The whole box, really? That's funny N"

"But, Mommy they're everywhere"

"Shit!"

Grab the robe and the broom, and what the hell the camera too.

... L trots off to her room to get a broom and sweeps up right along side me. (sorry no photo proof of that...ha!) We get the mess cleaned up, breakfast on the table. It is only 10am.

What I learned today

Today I learned to always check that the keys you grab on your way out the door are actually the keys to the door. I learned that libraries close when the power outage lasts longer the 10 minutes. I learned that coffee shops, however, will stay open whether they can run the register or not.

Today I learned that you might be able to get the screens off the windows to the house, but if the panes are shut tight there's no breaking in. I learned that using a credit card or debit card is not really an efficient way to get back into your house. I learned that it is possible to climb on top of two lawn chairs w/out falling (don't try this one at home kids) but it really doesn't give you that much more height.

Today I learned my kids are troopers. That to them being locked out of the house w/out keys or cellphone is not a big deal. A trip to the coffee shop and then the local art store are a grand adventure. (why I had my debit card in my pocket is still a mystery, but I'll thank the fairies for it just the same) I learned that pretty much, as far I can tell, my entire neighborhood works day jobs. (or won't open their house to a strange women and two kids) I learned that even on the windiest of fall days L would rather take her coat off then wear it, 'any more time!'

Today I learned that swinging on the neighbors front porch w/my kids is a great joy and I'm secretly glad no one was home. I learned that there is plenty adventure to be had in my neighborhood even when the wild winds are blowing, the power is out and no else seems to be home.

Today I learned that sometimes an unfortunate turn of events can be turned into a grand adventure. Although I'm sure its safe to say that by the end of the 2nd hour we were all tired of our new coloring books (that we could only read as the colors are in the house), and playing hopscotch in the wind.

Note to self - grab the right keys and put you cellphone in your pocket!

Fall preview

Fall is here! We've been to the corn maize and the pumpkin patch. This weekend it's the apple festival with apples and even more pumpkins! The Wohlmut's are out and about and enjoying the bounty of harvest time in Oregon. I hope you, dear readers, are out enjoying these beautiful bountiful days as well.

The kids continue to grow by leaps and bounds. N no longer looks like a baby or even a toddler. He looks like a BOY! Every time I look at him I am amazed at how much he has grown and changed. As fast as his body is changing, his mind is changing even faster. He's reading all that he can get his hands on these days. Can't find him, chances are he's sitting on his bed pouring over his "Living Life" encyclopedia. In addition to the reading he surprised me this week by writing out "Tasmanian devil", not only did he write it but asked no help from me for the spelling of the words! He also wrote out the word snowflake, but that word was really all the letters on the page, like a hunt a word jumble you had to put them together yourself. Still, this is one of those moments when I say...'he's only 4?'

L, is our budding artist and resident comic in training. Tell her its going to be a craft day, and she'll scramble to the kitchen table faster then you can say, 'jackrabbit'. She likes it all markers, crayons, stamps, stickers and water colors. She make smiley faces and apples, and whatever else strikes her fancy (the above is entitled "clown") Beware however, turn your back and she's apt to have drawn kitty whiskers on her face and stamped hearts on the kitchen table. (This artist's muse must not be contained.)

Got a joke to tell? L will laugh at it and then promptly steal it, she'll find her version of the joke so funny that she'll laugh too hard to even get it out. She never tires of knock knock jokes or pratfalls. She'll leave 'em laughing in the aisles even as she's breaking their hearts.

Never a dull moment with these kids.

More photos and tales of the grand autumnal adventures to arrive after the weekend's festivities.

He's Four

N approaches a new teacher at preschool this week.

"What's your name again?"

"Melinda."

N walks away. Time passes, N returns.

"M-E-L-I-N-D-A Melinda"

"Wow, did you read that somewhere?

"No, I sounded it out. It's only three syllables"

He's Four?!?!?

N and I reading quietly on the couch. I hear some sniffling from time to time. I absentmindedly ask if he needs a tissue, without actually looking up. "no," comes the reply. Sniffing continues. I notice out of my peripheral vision that N is licking his hands, like kitty paws, repeatedly. Often.

"N, why are you licking your hands?"

"Because they have snot on them."

He's Four.

Playing Doctor

Some kids play house or school. I played hospital. I remember that this was something that I did on my own, without other kids. We had an old metal baby-doll crib with sides that went up and down that made a perfect hospital bed. So it was there that baby Tender-Love tm (I cannot recall her name, probably because my mother always suggested names for my dolls and it never occurred to me that I could choose one on my own) spent many a day and night ‘recovering’. She had lots of surgeries and even more casts.

Ah the casts. It took me a long time to get the formula for the casts just right. First I tried strips of Kleenex in baby powder and water. That was a bust. The baby powder just floated on top of the water and would never create a paste. Then I tried just using wet Kleenex-but that just became a mess of wadded up wet tissues. Finally it was a combination of flour water and paper towels that did the trick. It took awhile to create the casts as all of the ingredients had to be obtained when no one was looking (in other words 'stolen') The water was the easiest to obtain. The paper towel a bit trickier, as I didn't want to draw attention to the fact that there might be a mess to clean up (why else would I need a paper towel?) But still the paper towels were easier then the flour.

The flour was kept in a tin way up on a shelf above the stove. Getting the flour required moving the stool over to the stove and then climbing on top of the stove top to get the canister down. The next trick was to get the lid off with out making any noise or without getting flour everywhere. Somehow I managed to get it all accomplished and downstairs I went to cast her up. That poor doll had casts from head to toe. (Funny, I don't recall if they ever dried or how I got them off. Certainly not a saw like they used in the hospital on me!)

When she had casts on both legs then the iv bottle could be hooked up as well. This was a ingenious invention, if I do say so myself, of an empty glass medicine bottle, telephone wire, and a sewing needle with an eye big enough to get the wire through . Once the wire was secured to the bottle and the needle attached to the wire than the everything was ready and the iv could be inserted. Yes, it’s true that poor doll not only was bound in plaster but now she would have needle stuck into her arm as well. By the end of that dolls career as a professional patient she had more track marks then a junkie on Burnside. I'm not sure that doll ever recovered.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out why I played hospital with my dolls and animals. I spent much of my childhood in and out of various body casts. Sometimes there were surgeries involved, other times it was simply traction and then casts. (hmmm, and I wondered why that full body mud wrap at that fancy spa led to an anxiety attack) In between the surgeries, tests, casts, doctor visits and wheel-chair rides I did my best to be a 'normal' kid. But, just about the time I got back into the swing of it...childhood... there be a "new" procedure awaiting me and I'd loose traction (no pun intended) and it would be months before I could be 'normal' again.

Normal... who needs it? Not me...not now. :-)

Mommy, do you want to see my joints?

I think I have two of the funniest children on the planet. I know everyone thinks that about their kids, but I’m pretty sure it’s true in our case. The difference between the two is that N is more often then not unintentionally funny, ("Mommy, I wanted a Happy Meal, not a Sad meal") Whereas L has figured out funny early on and runs around intentionally making us laugh ("ptzzz-blech-pooo!! Is that a Funny noise, Mommy?!")

N and I had a delightful conversation about Monsters and Villains at lunch yesterday. It was so delightful that I actually stopped him so I could go and get my journal. The next thing I know he is seriously dictating to me the ‘facts’ he’s learned about certain Monsters and Villains. I’ll pass some of this information onto you, after all it could come in handy some day (especially if you are headed to Scotland) For instance did you know that real witches live in Scotland and have hoods and not pointed hats? The other kind of witches have pointy hats and will capture you to put in their pots of people stew. (beware travelers as they also live in Scotland.)

What does N have to say about Werewolves, you ask? Well, they also live in Scotland. Should you encounter them you’ll be able to identify them by the following: they have hair everywhere and wear pants and shirts. They also have underwear on under their pants, but you won’t be able to see that because, well it’s under their pants. The big thing to know about werewolves is that they have pointy fangs on the top teeth whereas, (and this is the big distinction apparently) King Kongs and their babies have fangs on both the tops and the bottom. I’m sure that N has plenty more knowledge to share with me but he was distracted from telling me more by the little fact that he was suddenly turning into a baby werewolf before my eyes. So, needless to say he was unable to educate me on any more villains at this time

We have so many funny conversations that my addled pre-menopausal brain cannot keep up with them. I’m pretty sure anyone walking by our house at dinner time would think Patrick and I have some serious drinking ‘problems’ due to the number of inadvertent spit takes we do.
I am grateful that my children enjoy their lives and our company right now. I hope that dinners can always be so raucous. Although some times too much laughter can lead to situations like this one:

Scene: dinner table at the Wohlmuts on a quiet sunny evening. N tells us yet another obscure animal fact about dinosaurs that can’t possibly be true which sends everyone into peals of laughter. L, wanting to get into the action, attempts to tell her own funny story but with a mouthful of food only ends up coughing and choking instead.

CA/PW: are you okay ?
L: Mmm-hmmm
CA/PW: can you speak?
L: Mmm-hmmmm
CA (slightly exasperated) Can you say your name?
L (w/perfect timing and without missing a beat) : PRINCESS.

Much laughter ensues.
And Scene.
　
　
　
　

CA 1 Inner Critique 0

Hello my faithful readers:

If you are looking for a posting on the kids, you might as well stop reading now. Today I'm writing about ME. Yes, ME the creator of this blog, the mother of those children, wife to their fabulous father and oh yes the WRITER.

So, what do I have to say about me? Just wanted to let you know what I've been up to recently. I have been feeding my soul by doing some writing that has nothing to do with my children's antics or even anything I think will delight you, my readers. Nope I am just writing...stuff. Mad scribblings in the middle of the day sequestered away in the bedroom. I ignore the persistent knocking of small hands, I take a deep breath and wait for my husband's gentle but firm reprimand, "N/L come away from that door. Mommy needs some quiet time, too." (God I love this man). Sometimes I creep out of bed to the living room on these hot nights and scribble 'brilliant' sentences that by the light of day appear to be, well average at best. But, I don't care I am writing again.

I had to fight off a big wall of writers block and an even bigger assault from the inner critique--man she's a bitch. I finally found it's just easier to let the bitch have her say. I sometimes go ahead and let her interrupt my work let her just spew all over the pages all the while I am secretly laughing at her, "silly bitch I'm writing down everything you say and turning it in to prose! Ha ha take that bitch!" Some might say it would be best to ignore her. Problem is, this inner critique was born of something outside of my and planted in my very soul when I was very very young. I have been trying to silence her for over 30 years - since I first discovered the joy of writing. So, I think now maybe I just let her have her say, sooner or later she'll tire out. Sooner or later She's going to see what I have to say is going to be worth all the blood sweat and tears. And tears there will be...

If I were a painter I would paint a glorious battle scene with angels and demons duking it out in a field of scattered memories and hearts. The angels would have the faces of all those teachers, friends, family, lovers, dreamers, writers etc who had inspired/believed in me along the way. And of course the littlest angel, with the biggest heart would be me. The demons would have variations on one face....

I've not been taking this journey alone. I've got the 'hand' of an old friend, Natalie Goldberg, and her book "Old Friend from Far Away" are gently nudging me along. Sometimes going back to the basics is the best way to begin again, I had forgotten that part of the puzzle. I forgot that I like to work the edges of the story first before diving into the middle pieces. It's all coming back to me piece by piece. I think this puzzle is going to take up the whole kitchen table and more, but I think I'm up to the challenge this time.

So, that's where I am. Oh, and don't you fret I'll be posting new antics of the Wee Wohlmut's soon. With quotes like, " I wanted a Happy Meal, not a Sad Meal" and "Can we brush our teeth now? Oh fank you! fank you!" I'm hardly wanting for material.

xxo CAW

MISS L SAYS, "don't bother Mama, she's writing"